In the beginning of the voice of knowledge he says that what causes suffering is lying. When we tell the truth we do not suffer but when we tell ourself a lie and we believe it we suffer. He suggests that we are all perfect, that everything about us, our so called imperfections are actually perfect. We suffer when we tell ourselves a lie and we believe it. That the greatest lie we tell ourselves and we believe is that we are not good enough or that we are not perfect just the way we are.
Over 6 years ago I realized how many lies I was telling myself. I realized that most of what I was thinking was a lie. I also used to lie a lot. Whether it was lying about why I didn't want to go somewhere or cheating in my relationships. I was fine with lying. It felt like sometimes it was just the best option, even the "right" thing to do.
In 2002 I met Lauren Zander who is the president of the Handel Method. Her work is based on personal integrity, telling the truth, your truth and living it. It transformed my whole life. The more work we did the more I began to realize how many lies in one day I would tell. I really wasn't sure it was something I would ever overcome. It felt too scary. I felt too vulnerable. It even used to make me mad to have to tell the truth or ask someone else for the truth.
In 2003 I went to a 12 step program called grey sheet. It is a self discipline boot camp! You have to weigh and measure everything. I mentioned it before but one of the reasons I chose to go to grey sheet was because I wanted to learn to be honest. I hated calling a sponsor everyday to say what I was going to eat. I hated weighing every morsel of food that was going in my mouth...for about 3 weeks. After 3 weeks I started to drop weight fast. In the first month I lost like 12 lbs and I was ecstatic and starting to feel proud of myself. I actually started to feel the freedom that discipline and honesty were providing me. It was not easy but eventually what happened was I couldn't hold a lie anymore. The guilt I felt about telling a lie was so overwhelming I could no longer be a liar.
We used to have to call a sponsor before we ate something we weren't supposed to eat. I never did. Actually I told myself I was going to eat it and I was never going to confess. Sometimes I could hold the lie for 3 days but eventually I had to tell. It was an incredible experience to see myself changing, feeling the freedom and waking up.
Now everyday I practice telling everything about my life and my self and I do my best to hide nothing. There are no skeletons in my closet, there are no secrets about me that you can't know. There is nothing I am ashamed of and I don't lie about my age, my sexuality or my losses.
I share my goals my dreams my upsets my fears and my successes. And what I have experienced is the greatest gift of all, Love. I am married to a women I love with all my heart, I love my work and feel absolutely blessed that this is my life, I really do love my body, I am proud of it and I still go up and down 10-12 lbs and finally I'm free and I don't feel ashamed of it. I am learning that it is my so called imperfections that are the best things about me.
I have learned that the answer to freedom is telling the truth and accepting yourself as perfect just the way you are. When we are not hating ourselves for not being perfect we are loving ourselves and that is what fuels our highest spiritual growth.
So my suggestion is to practice telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. No matter how scary it might be it is always the answer, always. And if you don't want to tell the truth about something in your life, it is ok too. There is a time for everything. Know that everything about you is perfect and everything you are learning and going through is all perfect. Relax, enjoy the ride, go with the flow and allow your life to unfold in the perfection it is intended!
What I ate today
A yummy vege burger
A tasty egg white omelette with spinach and a green salad with steamed string beans
1 cup of Greek yogurt and a teaspoon of raw cacao nibs and a few sprinkles of pecans and a drizzle of agave
Baked Salmon (about 2 oz) a large green salad with non-starchy vegetables drizzled with almond butter oil.
2 Litres of water
1 cup of coffee with milk
Exercise
I did about 3 hours of exercise all very moderate
1 hour bike
1 hour intenSati
1 hour yoga and light lifting
I feel good and I hope you do too!
Love
Patricia
Don't forget to rsvp for the next eating with intention and awareness call September 9th at 8:30pm Et. The hot topic is "Having it all" Email rsvp@intensati.com for the call in number!
