So today we went for our first sonogram
Kellen and I went into the doctors office excited and of course nervous. When Dr. Batzofin began looking for the baby on the sonogram it took him a while to find it. He even asked, have you been having any pain? At that point kellen squeezed my hand and we both held our breath. Then seconds later, which felt like many minutes, he said, "there it is, and look it has a heartbeat!" At that both we both breathed and both cried! "How many" we asked? One! Incredible!
Today we found out that I am 6 weeks and one day pregnant, it is the size of a sesame seed and it has a heartbeat! I was amazed to know it already has a heartbeat.
As you may or may not know, I am married to Kellen Mori, a beautiful Brazilian woman who is a dentist. We have been trying to have a baby for almost 2 years now. This was my 3rd IVF attempt. On this round we tried a new doctor, added herbs and acupuncture and we decided to both go through the process and see which one of us got pregnant. We knew we were taking a chance and that both of us could end up pregnant at the same time but we were interested in increasing our chances so we went for it. Turns out, I got pregnant with Kellen's egg. She carried 3 fertilized embryos and I carried 3. The interesting thing that even Dr. Batzofin brought up today is that it is harder to get the surrogate, me, pregnant than it is to get the mother pregnant. But it actually turned out the way we had been wanting and planning for it to happen.
So how come I got pregnant and kellen didn't? How come all 6 didn't take? I don't have the answer and neither does Dr. B but what I think is that it is a partnership. It is a partnership between the child and the parents. I think the child chooses the parent and no matter how perfect the circumstances might be, it will happen when it is right. There is just an element in the equation that we can't explain.
I like this perspective because it reminds me to see my parents as perfect for me. Growing up I may not have always thought they were perfect for me or I may not have felt my childhood was always perfect but now I can choose to see it as perfect because of all it's imperfections. Is this true? I have no way of knowing if this is true or not. It is just a choice to think about it this way and I like it.
So try it on. How will things change for you when you think of yourself choosing your parents before you were even the size of a sesame seed with a heartbeat?
I hope you find some joy remembering that you were once that being inside your mom's belly and she was thrilled when she saw your heartbeat for the first time. Your partnership is perfect and may it continue to reveal it's perfection to you every single day!
Sending you lots of love!
If you are in East Hampton this weekend come by and take a class. Summerkicks@aol.com for more info.