Last night we had our monthly meeting and the first thing we do is go around and give each other updates on our lives since the last time we saw each other. It was the first time I had seen them since I had the miscarriage. They all knew of course, but it's different when you see your friends face to face and share about how you feel instead of over an email or text.
So when it came to be my turn I shared my heart out. I shared about my disappointment and that I was going to try again. Lauren suggested that what my truth was was that I was not believing and that I was scared and mad. She was right. I realized I was scared, mad and not believing. She suggested I write down all of the thoughts I have been having. All the thoughts, the bad and the ugly and until I really can be with the truth of how I am feeling I will not be able to get to the other side. That I will not be able to get to believing in my dream if I am believing in my fears. I had been believing in my fears. If I wasn't believing in my fears I wouldn't be so upset.
So I shared that I am scared I will not get pregnant, that I am too old and that it will never happen. That I am so upset that I have to do it again and I just want it NOW! I don't want to wait anymore. I am tired of waiting. Everyone else around me is pregnant and it is not fair that still I am not pregnant. I am scared that I am not going to have my dream of being pregnant and although adopting is a beautiful thing to do it is not what I want! I want to be pregnant and I want it NOW!
The real work here is getting myself to believe and I think the way to believing is by telling the whole truth about what the negative thoughts are having instead of tucking them away and putting a smile over them. It won't work because if we are hiding them it is because we are believing them and we don't want to acknowledge them. Bringing them to the light and sharing them and saying them out loud helps to disempower them.
So I shared my fears out loud with my loving beautiful class this morning and I just told the truth. Then we did intenSati and I am in a different place now!
The lesson is that we take our thoughts so seriously and when we have fears we often try to stuff them away or ignore them. The problem with that is that when we ignore them or stuff them away they get louder and bigger. If instead we look at them, say them out loud and question them, they lose their strength. It is like pulling the weeds in the garden before you plant the flowers.
Don't be afraid of your true feelings. Tell the truth and then you can move on. Learning to really believe is a deep spiritual practice and sometimes we need a little help from our friends.
If you are upset and feeling sorry for yourself, take Lauren's coaching and write down all of your negative thoughts and worries and get them all on paper. Tell the whole truth and then you will not be so afraid of them and they will not feel so real to you anymore.
Keep the faith!
If you want some handel coaching they are the only life coaches I use and love! Reach out to them if you are feeling stuck, fearful, doubtful or you need some support in defining your dream. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or go to my website satilife.com and see their info there.