Monday, July 27, 2009

What is on your list of things you are unwilling to share?

I have learned such a valuable lessons in this past week and a half. When I was growing up I had a very difficult time expressing my feelings, telling the truth about what was going on in my life and also letting people in my personal life.  When I developed intenSati I realized that what had people perk up and pay attention to what I had to say was my willingness to share my personal situation.  I made a choice early on in my Sati teaching to be open, intimate and have nothing on my list of things that I was unwilling to share about.  

The only reason I was able to make the choice was because my intention was to make this practice real, powerful and personal so that it would get to the hearts of my students. I knew if I could speak to their hearts then they would be able to soften and open to themselves as well. What I didn't know was how much it was actually helping me soften and get into my own heart.

Over the years I have shared many of my challenges and struggles but when it came to choosing to share about my desire to have a baby I hesitated and asked myself if I could really share something that was so out of my control. What if I failed, would I look bad? Would people be too sad for me that I couldn't handle it? Could I really openly share that much emotion?

I chose to do it because I knew that no matter what the outcome it would be a valuable lesson for anyone to see how I use the Sati principles to deal with what every person in the world deals with, fear of failure and disappointment. 

When I got pregnant I was so happy and relieved that I could finally, after a year and a half of trying to get pregnant, celebrate with everyone.  I knew that sharing early on was a big leap. I could have just shared with the 400 or so people in my class instead of the 6000 or so people in my community. I chose to go all the way!

Well here is where the greatest gift came in. After I shared about my having a miscarriage I received so much love and support.  I know I touched on this earlier but I felt it was important enough to really impress upon you the gift I have received.  The sharing, something I would never do before was actually how I was able to move from deep disappointment and fear to optimism and faith.  I have not just put the sadness to the side and am ignoring it. I shared it. I felt it and because I had a chance to share it in every class and through my blog, posts and tweets I have healed so quickly.  The amount deep caring I felt from all of you was so profound that it made me feel even more deeply connect to you and to myself.

 Now I am on the other side. I am feeling optimistic again. I have been able to shift my perspective from why is this happening to me to why is this happening for me and I have found so many reasons why.

What I hope you will come away with from this is that when you let people in and let them know you, love you and support you, you will find your healing, your courage and your self love growing.  It is not healing to stuff away or hide your emotions and sharing with people who will  remind you it is all ok and it is all going to work out will help everyone grow.

The lesson learned was, when we keep something to ourselves it is often a sign of fear that we will look bad, we feel ashamed or we don't want others to really know us on that intimate level.  I know, I have been there. Now I have felt the power and the healing of sharing and I suggest you go deeper in your sharing. The more you give the more you get.  

Ask yourself what is on your list of things you are unwilling to share with your friends, family and loved ones.  Let love in!