Monday, September 7, 2009

Are you a good negotiator?

This past weekend was a great relaxing and enjoyable weekend with friends in East Hampton. Kellen and I officially got married on Friday and spent the weekend celebrating! It was lovely.

On Saturday we went to our friends beautiful home, Michelle and Beth. They invited us over for lunch and since they knew I declared to lose 10lbs they cooked a beautiful lunch to support me. It was so sweet!

One of my commitments to myself was not eat processed or refined carbs. I think the hardest thing for me to pass on is bread. I ate bread twice this past weekend. I had it today when we picked up a lobster roll before our drive home and before dinner on Saturday night i had a 1/2 of a piece of focaccia that was on the dinner table.

So the question is, what is the conversation you have with yourself right before you choose to give up on your promise to yourself?

This is the magic moment. Once you ate it or drank it or skipped a workout it's too late. The precious moment is the conversation you have where you are either talking yourself into or out of keeping your word.

This is a very different approach then simply counting calories. Often what we do is we say, ok I'll just have it this time and I will skip____ later. Or we negotiate with ourselves that we will workout extra tomorrow. There is usually one way you negotiate with yourself and talk yourself out of keeping your word to yourself. Usually mine is that I will workout more later!
The important thing here is to remember the way to succeed is to be able to trust yourself to keep your word. Once you are able to make a promise and keep it, you will not have those negotiating conversations with yourself anymore.

Take notice this week when you are negotiating with yourself about whether to keep your promise to yourself or not. What kind of excuses or new promises do you make to yourself to get you off the hook of having to keep your original promise?

If you can catch your negotiator before you give in and say "no negotiating here" you will find that soon that negotiator learns to keep quiet. When you know yourself to be good on your word no matter how much you whine and complain, beg and negotiate you will be able to get yourself to do anything you want to do and that negotiator disappears.

This takes some real sati, mindfulness, and a real desire to succeed. My suggestion, don't over promise. Make one promise a day that you are using as your personal trainer. Pick something that is fairly easy but takes some effort to attain.

Use the mantra "no matter what" and think of your little negotiator as someone who is out to trip you up, get you to fail, is not on your side, is an imposter!!

I myself have not been taking my own advice very well but this week I plan to take my advice!

This week I will not have any bread whatsoever! No matter what! Even if I have nothing else to eat, even if it is my favorite kind, even if it means I have to skip a meal. I will not have bread no matter what!

Keep this in mind, whenever you make a promise not to have something you WILL be tempted. Just be ready to say, "no matter what!" You will feel amazing when you stop the negotiator dead in her tracks and you come out victorious!

One day at a time!

Don't forget to rsvp for the Eating with intention and awareness call this Wednesday at 8:30pm. Email for the dial in number. It's free! The topic is "Having it all"